Hand + Boiling Hot Water = Impermanence

For my dramatic right knee situation I decided to get a small bucket of boiling hot water and a flannel to tab at it to relax my muscles. After the third dip and tab I stupidly drop the flannel in the water and have to therefore reach in to grab it with my hands. I instantly feel the burning heat against my delicate skin and remove my hands as quickly as possible. I then analyse the sensations in which I was feeling and come to the conclusion that I felt intense heat, pain and the strain in my fingertips. Read more [...]


Since the very beginning of my trip, I have always hand washed every single item of clothing of mine. Whether it be washed them under a running shower with shampoo, in a bucket with shower gel or on a washing rock with proper washing soap, I always did it myself without the help of others. I always felt that it was my duty to do such. They were my clothes; if I wanted them washed then I must pull my finger out and do it myself. I’ve felt this way since I was 16 and decided it was time to learn Read more [...]

Brother Bear

Especially during these tough days, my dearest brother has popped up in my mind on many occasions. I do miss him dearly and hope that he is well. Given that I’m out of any communication with anyone, it’s impossible for me to officially know or ask, instead all I can do is hope and assume that he is safe, well and happy. Before having left for this meditation retreat, I sent him a small letter full of thoughts and feelings and generally chit chat which we have been unable to have given our Read more [...]

Day 5

Again I put past any pain I was feeling and stayed stubborn and adamant that I was not to move my legs whatsoever. My leg began feeling the same deep amount of numbness after about 40 minutes of the same position and so I felt that a quick 10 second relief was necessary. This time I kept my eyes completely shut and decided to move my leg as mindfully as possible without disturbing my hands. With my eyes closed and concentrated, I was unable to tell if my leg was being lifted or not. In my mind I Read more [...]

Oh the pain!

People assume that meditation is pretty simple. You just sit there and try not to think about anything for longs periods at a time, right? Wrong! No one (including myself) considers the fact that you are meant to sit in an awkward position which you are not used to for horrific and painful amounts. This pain which you end up feeling is purely agonising. It’s not like anything I have ever felt before at all. It’s not like cutting your leg; it hurts initially but then after some ooh’s and ahh’s Read more [...]

Day 4

The morning couldn’t have started any worse. I have a rumbling tummy and I’m much more fidgety than normal. There’s a huge chance that during my meditation that I may have fallen asleep for a few moments. In the past few days I have moved a lot but I have been moving mindfully, so it’s okay. It’s acceptable. Today it’s not quite the same. I don’t think that I could have been jumping from position to position any less mindfully. My eyes constantly open, gazing at nothing in front Read more [...]

Pure tranquillity and peace? Hmmm…..

One would assume that if you go to a meditation centre that it would be as silent and peaceful as possible. Everyone else who is there is after the same end results as you and so everyone will try to keep such a peaceful atmosphere so as not to disturb or distract anyone else from what their meant to be doing, right? Wrong! The Indian habits continue throughout. And by this I mean that there was constant belching from start to finish in each session. The most surprising thing is that this disgusting Read more [...]

Patiently and persistently

As each day passes I can consistently hear the words 'patiently and persistently' running trough my head. I'm starting to see the connection between my mind, body and soul. I treat them as three different people, addressing them separately. Every time my mind would drift from concentration on my breathing to something else I would say to my mind 'Okay. Dearest mind, you have drifted. I acknowledge this. I accept this. And I love you. Now back to breathing please...' And this would happen as many Read more [...]

Day 3

I wake up tired. Again I struggle to concentrate this morning even though my body hurts less. I assumed that less bodily pain would keep me from fidgeting so much. This was not the case. If anything I found the need to fidget more. As soon as the delicious breakfast food had filled up my stomach I am able to concentrate again. I am able to focus on my sensations which I am feeling in my triangular area surrounding my nose and upper lip. I feel like I'm getting somewhere. Another meditation session Read more [...]

Day 2

Again my eyes open to that morning dong. This morning I don't quite have the same feeling though. I didn't get enough  sleep and I am unable to do anything in the morning. This only frustrates me gradually more and more. After lunch, it wasn't getting much better. Memories of my past kept creeping up on me. Some memories which only lead to pure anger in my mind. Then, using a tip I learnt from the couple beforehand, I take this anger of mine and mentally place it inside a box. I gently place the Read more [...]