It’s the first time that I choose to use my designated cell and it really does feel like prison. It’s a tiny room which isn’t even big enough to fit a bed. There is just a single mat which is placed in the centre of the room and a minuscule round window at the back with a little blue curtain. There was a light bulb connection but no bulb. Upon sitting on my mat facing the door, all I could see was my closed door with a criss-crossed window at the bottom to see into the outside corridor. Though with no lights on out there, all you could see what pure darkness.
There was pure silence. It was peaceful and quiet. So this must be the perfect place for one to meditate you would assume..? Nope. Not for me. I felt like I was back in school; I needed the eyes at the front of the class room which would glare at me if I wasn’t doing as I should be. I needed to know that they would disapprove if I were to fidget too much or just look around aimlessly for a while. But here I was all by myself and so there wasn’t anyone around to check whether I was doing as I should or not. I could rebel and do anything at this moment. I could have brought a pack of cards and played solitaire for hours on end with myself. I didn’t like this. This wasn’t for me at all.
It was like I had been put in detention after school in the way that no one likes to do work after school. After school was always for having fun and playing games with your friends. It’s the time you have to relax and chill out, do anything but further work. So for the duration of my stay I have decided that I will refuse to enter my elected cell again. I will stay in the hall like a good girl. Focus more. Meditate more. Become more.